One of the easiest ways to see how a person feels about you is to smile at them. Those that like you will smile back. Those that do not will not. Being on the compound's guard towers during the daytime gives you the opportunity to interact with the locals, to some extent.
Several of our guard towers face a busy thoroughfare, basically a boulevard big enough for twelve lanes of traffic. Along either side of this boulevard is a sidewalk, and the sidewalk on our side is just below the towers. During all hours of daylight, Afghans walk up and down the sidewalk sometimes alone and sometimes in groups. Sometimes they look up at us and other times they ignore us completely. I've made a conscious effort to smile and/or give a small wave at anyone I catch who looking up at us.
A smile is a universal communication tool that doesn't require someone to speak the same language. It conveys a greeting and general happiness. Smiles are often infectious and easily spread. Just try this simple exercise when at a crowded place like a mall or sporting event. If you're passing someone and your eyes meet, just smile and see if they smile back. Often they do, and that small feeling of happiness has been passed from person to person. Occasionally people don't smile back, but at which point, you can never know what issues that person may be facing at the present. This is such a powerful tool that you don't even need to see a person to know they're smiling. For years, phone operators, tech support call centers, and telemarketers have known that smiling while talking on the phone is a great tool to convey a happy emotion through a voice-only medium. Go on and try it the next time you're on the phone; the other party can tell if you're smiling or not.
A few years ago, a report was released by the Journal of the American Medical Association where Alzheimer's patients were used in a study on emotion and memory. In the study, researchers worked with patients with severe cases of Alzheimer's and involved the patients in strong emotionally themed videos. After the sessions were over, the patients were questioned a later about the sessions and none could remember the videos at all. What they did relate though was that they overwhelmingly felt the emotional theme of the video they had watched. The researchers concluded that the areas of the brain that process emotions are different than the cognitive memory centers. Therefore, people are able to remember emotions much better than any other type of recollection.
http://www.alzheimersweekly.com/content/emotion-lasts-well-beyond-memory
http://www.bukisa.com/articles/435654_emotion-can-live-longer-than-memory
http://www.themedguru.com/node/34041
Back at my guard tower, I get all kinds of reactions. I get the happy smile and returned wave. I also get the surprised smile and returned wave. Sometimes I get a smile or wave even before I can give out the greeting. Other times I get nothing but a continued return glare. Children and young adults always return a wave and a smile. Older men will usually politely wave as well. Afghan National Police and Military always return a wave, almost as if it's a professional courtesy where we both acknowledge our shared service to the people. Individuals in Western clothing such as designer jeans, collared shirts, or business attire I can almost guarantee will be friendly. Alternately, middle aged men in traditional dress are the ones who most often don't return the courtesy.
In an area of the world where our reputation here is shaky at best, I've found the best defense is a good smiling offense. A smile helps people let their guard down and potentially trust us to help them. There are a lot of hard feelings in this country for the treatment it has received from outsiders. Memories of years of pain runs deep here, and a happy emotion or two definitely helps break the ice for a people who can recall little but misery over the majority of their lives.
An old proverb goes like this: "People may not remember exactly what you did or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”
More to follow.
Several of our guard towers face a busy thoroughfare, basically a boulevard big enough for twelve lanes of traffic. Along either side of this boulevard is a sidewalk, and the sidewalk on our side is just below the towers. During all hours of daylight, Afghans walk up and down the sidewalk sometimes alone and sometimes in groups. Sometimes they look up at us and other times they ignore us completely. I've made a conscious effort to smile and/or give a small wave at anyone I catch who looking up at us.
A smile is a universal communication tool that doesn't require someone to speak the same language. It conveys a greeting and general happiness. Smiles are often infectious and easily spread. Just try this simple exercise when at a crowded place like a mall or sporting event. If you're passing someone and your eyes meet, just smile and see if they smile back. Often they do, and that small feeling of happiness has been passed from person to person. Occasionally people don't smile back, but at which point, you can never know what issues that person may be facing at the present. This is such a powerful tool that you don't even need to see a person to know they're smiling. For years, phone operators, tech support call centers, and telemarketers have known that smiling while talking on the phone is a great tool to convey a happy emotion through a voice-only medium. Go on and try it the next time you're on the phone; the other party can tell if you're smiling or not.
A few years ago, a report was released by the Journal of the American Medical Association where Alzheimer's patients were used in a study on emotion and memory. In the study, researchers worked with patients with severe cases of Alzheimer's and involved the patients in strong emotionally themed videos. After the sessions were over, the patients were questioned a later about the sessions and none could remember the videos at all. What they did relate though was that they overwhelmingly felt the emotional theme of the video they had watched. The researchers concluded that the areas of the brain that process emotions are different than the cognitive memory centers. Therefore, people are able to remember emotions much better than any other type of recollection.
http://www.alzheimersweekly.com/content/emotion-lasts-well-beyond-memory
http://www.bukisa.com/articles/435654_emotion-can-live-longer-than-memory
http://www.themedguru.com/node/34041
Back at my guard tower, I get all kinds of reactions. I get the happy smile and returned wave. I also get the surprised smile and returned wave. Sometimes I get a smile or wave even before I can give out the greeting. Other times I get nothing but a continued return glare. Children and young adults always return a wave and a smile. Older men will usually politely wave as well. Afghan National Police and Military always return a wave, almost as if it's a professional courtesy where we both acknowledge our shared service to the people. Individuals in Western clothing such as designer jeans, collared shirts, or business attire I can almost guarantee will be friendly. Alternately, middle aged men in traditional dress are the ones who most often don't return the courtesy.
In an area of the world where our reputation here is shaky at best, I've found the best defense is a good smiling offense. A smile helps people let their guard down and potentially trust us to help them. There are a lot of hard feelings in this country for the treatment it has received from outsiders. Memories of years of pain runs deep here, and a happy emotion or two definitely helps break the ice for a people who can recall little but misery over the majority of their lives.
An old proverb goes like this: "People may not remember exactly what you did or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”
More to follow.
I've always been someone who smiles and I love it when I catch someone off-guard & they end up smiling & visibly perking up. It makes my day! :)
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